She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
