You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
