clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
