We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
