Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Randomize