: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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