i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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