Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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