I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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