Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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