Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
