I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
