you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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