im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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