just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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