Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize