I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
