Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And then my night got REAL pukey
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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