now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
