I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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