dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
