I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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