Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
COCAINE IS GR8
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
