Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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