Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
