she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
