Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You've changed since you got that strap on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
