I think my fart just growled at me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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