my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
