you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
