one two three fourrrrnication!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
