is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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