I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
