So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
