I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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