Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
