Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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