your parents love me but you hate me
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize