you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
