yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.