Texts From Last Night

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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time

  (1-763): View more from Minnesota

  Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.

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  (763): So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time (1-763): Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother. http://tfl.nu/6l4l
  Replies (29) Good night (1301) Bad night (2865)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.

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  (978): Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war. http://tfl.nu/fra3
  Replies (11) Good night (1088) Bad night (3611)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation

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  (856): Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation http://tfl.nu/7n0f
  Replies (13) Good night (687) Bad night (3927)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...

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  (905): oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"... http://tfl.nu/xa6k
  Replies (18) Good night (5253) Bad night (2207)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?

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  (757): so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you? http://tfl.nu/s3jk
  Replies (7) Good night (3032) Bad night (975)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.

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  (443): He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits. http://tfl.nu/bqj0
  Replies (12) Good night (3544) Bad night (1243)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too

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  (203): I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too http://tfl.nu/f6yj
  Replies (7) Good night (896) Bad night (2749)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king

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  (406): Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king http://tfl.nu/0wfz
  Replies (4) Good night (1760) Bad night (693)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.

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  (717): you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats. http://tfl.nu/2ggd
  Replies (6) Good night (1877) Bad night (845)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.

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  (253): If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat. http://tfl.nu/66de
  Replies (2) Good night (357) Bad night (727)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido

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  (214): I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido http://tfl.nu/vkd6
  Replies (4) Good night (783) Bad night (387)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho

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  (978): I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho http://tfl.nu/p9zq
  Replies (4) Good night (432) Bad night (452)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...

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  (520): His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it... http://tfl.nu/6yoy
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (427)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"

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  (206): I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry" http://tfl.nu/6n64
  Replies (5) Good night (457) Bad night (336)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life

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  (912): Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life http://tfl.nu/g4nw
  Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (162)

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