Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.

(224): View more from Illinois

I'm with your mom on this one.

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(847): my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel. (224): I'm with your mom on this one. http://tfl.nu/c28m

Replies (9) Good night (1154) Bad night (3034)
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(563): View more from Iowa

I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.

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(563): I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase. http://tfl.nu/vq3r

Replies (51) Good night (1158) Bad night (4536)
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(217): View more from Illinois

you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012

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(217): you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012 http://tfl.nu/jiqa

Replies (20) Good night (6220) Bad night (1106)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

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(402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft

Replies (18) Good night (8723) Bad night (1336)
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(510): View more from California

Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.

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(510): Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight. http://tfl.nu/a7yq

Replies (24) Good night (5306) Bad night (1131)
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(619): View more from California

Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.

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(619): Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser. http://tfl.nu/agjn

Replies (33) Good night (3675) Bad night (1548)
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(517): View more from Michigan

All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.

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(517): All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop. http://tfl.nu/gnt9

Replies (12) Good night (3360) Bad night (1554)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?

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(832): Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions? http://tfl.nu/z9u9

Replies (14) Good night (3270) Bad night (1753)
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(314): View more from Missouri

You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard

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(314): You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard http://tfl.nu/m8tv

Replies (4) Good night (2342) Bad night (1055)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.

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(201): He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn. http://tfl.nu/ws8z

Replies (8) Good night (2758) Bad night (1038)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.

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(828): I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water. http://tfl.nu/12pc

Replies (4) Good night (1225) Bad night (646)
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(707): View more from California

After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.

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(707): After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage. http://tfl.nu/9jeb

Replies (3) Good night (1550) Bad night (537)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week

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(267): I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week http://tfl.nu/wcg4

Replies (1) Good night (358) Bad night (681)
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(602): View more from Arizona

I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice

(623): View more from Arizona

You suck, She hit so hard.

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(602): I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice (623): You suck, She hit so hard. http://tfl.nu/fozp

Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (644)
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(812): View more from Indiana

Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.

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(812): Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me. http://tfl.nu/oqrx

Replies (0) Good night (157) Bad night (284)

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