Texts From Last Night

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  (292): View more from

  i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.

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  (292): i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better. http://tfl.nu/myls
  Replies (4) Good night (536) Bad night (3348)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

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  (214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/aut7
  Replies (15) Good night (881) Bad night (3274)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  Jesus knows you're telling a lie.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup

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  (806): Jesus knows you're telling a lie. (832): Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup http://tfl.nu/yiz0
  Replies (6) Good night (4734) Bad night (688)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.

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  (940): I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you. http://tfl.nu/qbhx
  Replies (11) Good night (719) Bad night (3716)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...

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  (314): You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out... http://tfl.nu/a1pv
  Replies (7) Good night (6436) Bad night (969)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

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  (202): I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand http://tfl.nu/1ole
  Replies (8) Good night (4146) Bad night (931)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried

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  (815): i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried http://tfl.nu/ujpo
  Replies (6) Good night (3496) Bad night (937)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation

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  (207): he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation http://tfl.nu/dl0f
  Replies (24) Good night (991) Bad night (4798)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.

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  (940): Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car. http://tfl.nu/1zvq
  Replies (8) Good night (784) Bad night (2429)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.

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  (419): Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation. http://tfl.nu/zsht
  Replies (2) Good night (1879) Bad night (518)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.

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  (480): I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends. http://tfl.nu/9x75
  Replies (11) Good night (768) Bad night (3383)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  what? who is this?

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  (201): Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER. (610): what? who is this? http://tfl.nu/1mp3
  Replies (12) Good night (2531) Bad night (867)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me

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  (780): You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me http://tfl.nu/3d09
  Replies (6) Good night (1151) Bad night (590)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.

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  (647): so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together. http://tfl.nu/0wgb
  Replies (14) Good night (929) Bad night (3210)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.

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  (570): No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits. http://tfl.nu/elom
  Replies (2) Good night (455) Bad night (190)

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