I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.