I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.