oh god the rape fog is back!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.