just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??