I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.