no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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