May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
