I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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