I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
