So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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