mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
