Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
