I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize