they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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