Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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