How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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