My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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