That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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