she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Are we still banned from the library?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
