now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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