There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
