dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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