Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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