Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
