just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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