And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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